You can still push people on Facebook. That's how.

Our world is increasingly isolated and divided. Since the start of the pandemic, the amount of time adults and teens spend alone has increased dramatically and did not return to normal rates. Meanwhile, grown men have lost the ability to keep friends. Political factions and a raging culture war have divided us more than ever.

This holiday season, I propose a humble solution: the Facebook Poke.

The Poke, of course, is a very early feature on Facebook whereby you send someone a notification that they’ve been “poked.” In the past, a touch might have seemed flirty or annoying. But in 2022, it’s a cheesy little nod. A whimsical idea. A harmless trifle.

Now I know what you’re thinking: I haven’t poked anyone in years. Of course, no! There’s a good reason for that. Facebook essentially removed the Poke feature a few years ago, making it almost impossible to find. But that only makes it even more special and delicious when you give someone a touch now – what a warm and welcome nostalgic surprise it will be for them, like hearing an old favorite song on the radio or smelling grandma’s cooking. But, you know, in this case it’s a nostalgic gift from a massive corporation that has enabled genocide.

Poke was one of the first features of Facebook; started in 2004, it predates News Feed. But in the more recent past, it has declined in use. Facebook was also becoming swollen with features. The Poke, after a failed revival in 2017, it was relegated to a link buried deep in the feature sidebar on the desktop website and app menu, eventually disappearing altogether.

This means you can’t navigate to the Poke section by clicking inside of Facebook.com or the Facebook app. That is why no one has poked you for a long time.

However, the Poke page still exists! There are two ways to access it:

1. Enter “poke” in the search box of the site or app.

2. Click directly on the page URL: Facebook.com/Pokes

What you will see on this page will either horrify or delight you. It’s a list of all the old, featured beats you never returned years ago. The names of people you haven’t spoken to in years will fill you with warm feelings of camaraderie (or awe!).

(Note: This is not a complete list of all your old Poke activity, although it is possible to access it by downloading your data file. You can do this by going to Settings & Privacy > Settings > Your Facebook Information > Download Your Information. If you just want the Poke data, I recommend unchecking all the boxes except “Other activity” for the download, otherwise it will be a huge file).

I went on a poking spree recently after discovering the long lost Poke page. it was wonderful. Friends I hadn’t talked to in a long time texted or messaged me about it. “I haven’t been played in 8 years ” a friend who lives far away texted me. Another friend messaged “OMG why are you pushing me?” and then we caught up after a few years we hadn’t spoken. (Ironically, he had just been fired from Meta.) Another friend who lives far away texted me back and told me that he was expecting his first child next month. A former co-worker messaged me: “Hacked you?” Another person I pushed had a more terse reaction: “Reported.”

This is exactly what I want from a social media interaction. I am desperately alone but too exhausted to have a meaningful conversation with anyone; I just want to let you know, Hey, I’m still here. Hello. I want a low effort way to connect with another human being.

It’s hard to know what social media is right now. Twitter has become a battleground for wandering clans of misery puppeteer for a 51 year old cosplayer. TikTok is a Chinese government psy-op to convince me to eat raw liver and is a good place to harass people with bad dating habits. Instagram is a more horrible version of that. Snapchat is great for rupturing videos, but it’s not very useful if your friend group isn’t mostly teenagers. Facebook was once a place for your aunt to wish you happy birthday, but now it’s more suited to sharing tips on take dewormer for horses. BeReal might be that fun and easy way to connect with friends, but the daily prompts are starting to feel like a chore.