How parents and teachers can help in the battle against bullies

Key points:

bad girls: These two words perfectly described my fourth period speech class. The class culture he had worked so hard to create was crushed overnight with the addition of three transfer students. They were seniors among a class of sophomores. The 'new older girls' easily took power over the second-year students and began to bully them. There were blank stares, snide comments, and quiet giggles, but even as an experienced teacher, I didn't characterize his behavior as bullying. Then, I noticed that my sophomores started skipping their scheduled speaking days.

It hit me. my students they were afraid in my classroom. Unsure of what to do, I instituted a “total silence” policy. Walking through my door meant not speaking. The class wasn't fun, but it was safe. I quickly sought help from our school counselor, who contacted some of the parents, and learned something critical: the girls changed schools because they were in a car accident that killed one of their friends and they needed a fresh start. These girls were so overcome with guilt that they lashed out with classic “I'll hurt you before you can hurt me” behavior.

After much interaction between parents, teachers and students and a tough conversation, we finally reached a climate of safety and respect.

We begin to heal by building relationships.

While this is not the most dramatic bullying story, it is very typical. Harassment is any Aggressive behavior by an individual attempting to hurt another (Smith, 2016: Campbell and Bauman, 2018). This definition encompasses traditional bullying behavior, such as fighting on the playground or “canceling” someone over social media.

While bullying is certainly not exclusive to schools and school-aged children, it is something that parents and educators must take responsibility for addressing because our number one responsibility as partners in our children's lives is keep them safe. Children cannot focus on learning until they feel safe. There are a number of school programs aimed at preventing bullying, and many are backed by reliable research and successful. These school programs are critical and relatively effective in addressing the causes and effects of bullying at the macrosystem level. However, research also posits that one of the most impactful tools to combat the negative effects of bullying at the individual level is strong relationships.

Parents. Teachers. Colleagues. These three groups make up a large part of a child's reality. A child's perception of reality is the child's truth, and if a child is feeling bullied, excluded or rejected, that is the truth of that child. But if the children feel a close connection with their parents and that their parents listen to them and are available to help and guide them, then they will turn to their parents in times of trouble. Likewise, if a child it feels connected to their teachers, listened to and guided by them, then they will turn to their teachers in times of trouble.

It is important that parents and teachers are committed to connecting with, guiding, and supporting school-age children as they grow, because bullying becomes more sophisticated and harder to observe as children get older. Cyberbullying has the same effect and can create the same perception of reality as in-person bullying. Teens who have strong, positive relationships with their parents and teachers will continue to rely on those relationships as they grow.

While parents may feel that protecting their growing children from bullies, both cyber and in-person, is insurmountable, all of the sound principles for maintaining strong relationships with your children still apply. Although it may seem more difficult to stay connected with older children, our children still Notice if we are available, listening and supportive. The same idea applies to teachers. If our students hear the same message from both parents and teachers about how to recognize bullying behaviors both in person and online, they will realize that they are not alone.

But perhaps the most important benefit of teachers and parents striving for those close relationships with our children is this: it is much more difficult for a child be a bully when they know they are being seen. I have never met a child who sought disappoint the adults who love and care for him. It is our responsibility as parents and teachers. really see all aspects of our children, not just the “shiny” parts. It is the nurturing and teaching that occurs in those necessary but uncomfortable moments that turns our children away from being bullies and into positive members of our families, classes, teams, and communities.

our children trust in strong relationships Your parents and teachers have worked so hard to establish.