It’s no secret that educators and school leaders are under a lot of stress, from managing classroom and school communities to managing staff and student morale. When that stress increases, negative feelings can shift inward. Educators may even assume the expectation that they must solve all problems on their own. But there is a way to manage that stress, and it starts with self-compassion.
Simply put, self-compassion means treating yourself with care. As a developmental psychologist and researcher studying the well-being of educators in Children’s Committeea global nonprofit organization focused on social-emotional learning and development, I am very familiar with the myriad of challenges educators face. extensive research suggests that practicing self-compassion is a vital strategy for educators to support and strengthen their mental health. But with so many competing lawsuits, it can be hard to prioritize.
Educators spend a lot, if not most of their time caring for others, which can make it difficult to prioritize themselves. As a mother, I can say that this is also true for parenting, which is problematic for educators who are also parents because the demands for attention and care increase. While making yourself a cup of hot tea at the end of the day is part of self-care, meaningful and lasting self-compassion requires intentional and constant attention to our emotional and mental needs. And it takes time and patience for the self-pity work to pay off.
A common way to practice self-compassion is to consider how you would treat a good friend in the situation you are experiencing, and then extend that same kindness and care to yourself. Is about giving you grace. All self-pity begins with this simple concept, but the Long-term effects it can be deep. In schools there is a clear link between the well-being of the educator and the way students experience school. There is also evidence of an association between educator well-being and academic success in the classroom.
So, in the face of chronic stress, how can educators practice self-compassion? The following research-backed strategies offer a starting point. These strategies are simple, but they all require practice. Of course, these tips aren’t going to solve the systemic issues that stress educators out, like a lack of resources or support, but with consistency and intentionality, they can help educators manage and reframe their stress in positive and empowering ways.
Setting goals with positive motivation
According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a widely recognized research psychologist, self-compassion can improve well-being and it helps us work toward our goals with a positive motivation (the desire for our own happiness) rather than a negative motivation (fear of failure and inadequacy).
For example, we might set goals to grow in our careers or friendships, exercise more regularly, or improve a creative skill. Whatever those goals, self-compassion encourages us to examine our motivations for those goals and adjust if necessary. If our motivation is negative, such as exercising more to avoid gaining weight, we’re less likely to stick to that corresponding goal and may end up encouraging more negative thoughts in the process. When our motivations are positive and rooted in self-compassion—say, consistently exercising to feel more energized at work—that corresponding goal can become an opportunity to take care of ourselves and appreciate the progress we’re continually making, big or small. . With self-compassion, personal growth is less about “improving” ourselves than it is about nurturing and expanding the good qualities we already have.
talk to yourself positively
Educators often hold themselves to high standards, and it is common for educators to feel that they are not doing enough or falling short. But we are all human. Expecting perfection from ourselves can result in feelings of failure or inadequacy.
I often encourage the educators I work with to choose a phrase to repeat when they are being hard on themselves, in or out of school, for example: “I will be as kind to myself as I am to my students.” I encourage you to write your sentence down and post it on your desk or on your computer screen. Then, when they’re going through a tough time or notice self-criticism, they can read your quote as an active self-pity reminder.
Another strategy that can be helpful is to set an alarm on your phone with a reassuring message at a time or day when you tend to feel a bit overwhelmed, such as after a tough class period or a challenging weekly meeting. That alarm can offer a reminder of your commitment to self-compassion.
practice gratitude
A simple strategy for managing stress and improving well-being is to develop a regular gratitude practice in which you consistently and intentionally identify the positive things in your classroom, school, or organization. research suggests that people who practice gratitude regularly report higher self-esteem and life satisfaction, and the same is true of educators.
It can help to develop a personal routine for acknowledging good things that happen at your job, big or small, like teaching a great lesson, building a strong relationship with a colleague, or just enjoying your afternoon coffee. School leaders may consider implementing a similar routine with staff, regularly encouraging their team to take stock of what is going well, such as a successful conference night, test day, or pep rally. Teachers may also consider a whole class thank you jar, where students can share anonymously. However, keep in mind that a group gratitude practice should not be competitive. Affirmation and rewards have their place, but gratitude encourages us to acknowledge the good things we’re seeing, doing, or experiencing, regardless of whether they’re tied to recognition and success metrics.
Of course, gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring what doesn’t work, or pretending that some things don’t need to be fixed; after all, we don’t want to exhibit toxic positivity. Rather, think of gratitude as a well of positivity to dip into, especially when the going gets tough. Consider each small act of gratitude a drop in the well that you are filling for future times when you may need a boost.
Reframing Thoughts
Positive reframing is a technique that helps us see a situation in a different and more balanced way. When something has already happened, we can’t change how it was, but we can change the way we talk to each other about it. And if we anticipate something negative to happen in the near future, reframing can help us approach that event with a healthier perspective. Studies show that the way we think about an event affects how we feel about it.
Educators and school leaders can practice reframing challenging situations that occurred with colleagues, students, or families. Let’s say you need extra time to send an important email to families, for example. Instead of beating yourself up for being late, think about how you are taking more time to prepare the best possible message to share with families.
It goes without saying that reformulation will not solve the deeper and more fundamental problems that can cause chronic stress for educators. You can’t magically increase school funding, reverse harmful policies, or ensure that all students attend class. What you can do is develop the mental and emotional resilience necessary to see these challenges clearly and to reply to them with perspective, optimism and courage. Reframing can help educators tap into the same resilience that they strive to help their own students and colleagues discover within themselves.
Stay consistent with self-compassion
For many educators, the school year presents countless challenges, but it also presents endless opportunities to grow in self-compassion. Think of self-compassion as a muscle that gets stronger with consistency and time. In the long term, patterns of self-pity can have profound effects not only on individual educators, but also on the school communities for which they care so deeply.
